Someone three states away types "funeral home" and the name of their dad's town into Google. Three homes come up in the map. One has 140 reviews. One has 11. The third is the home that buried their grandparents, with four reviews, the newest from 2019. They call the first one.
That scene plays out every week, and the home with four reviews may well do the best work in town. It just never asked. Below: why reviews matter more than they did, when to ask a grieving family, the words that fit, and how to reply once reviews come in.
Why reviews now weigh this much
The NFDA's consumer study, as summarized by Johnson Consulting Group, asked families what settled their choice of funeral home. 33.2% said online reviews did. The year before, the figure was 14.4%. Few things in this trade move that fast.
The same study found that 66.4% of families visit a home's website before they call, so they are already online and comparing. Reviews are the part of that comparison you don't write yourself, which is exactly why families trust them.
Reviews also shape who shows up at all. Google's own help page on local ranking says the number of reviews and their rating factor into where a business appears in the map. A home with a steady trickle of new reviews tends to sit higher in local searches across its own town than one whose last review is years old.
Is it all right to ask a grieving family?
Yes, when the ask is gentle, optional and well timed. Many families want to thank the people who carried them through a terrible week. They send cards, drop off baked goods, shake hands at the door on the way out. A review is one more way to say thank you, and it helps the next family searching at midnight.
What makes an ask feel wrong is pressure or bad timing. A review request at the arrangement conference, or in the receiving line, tells the family your home is thinking about itself. A short note a week or two after the service, with no nagging after it, reads as what it is: a request they are free to ignore.
When to ask
Wait until the work is finished. For most families that means the service is over and the last piece is in their hands: the urn, the death certificates, the final paperwork. Usually that lands a week or two after the service.
The best first ask happens in person, at a natural moment. When the family comes in to collect the cremated remains or the certificates, the director who served them can say a sentence or two. A text that same afternoon carries the link, so nobody has to go looking for anything.
Send one reminder at most, about a week later. If no review comes after that, let it go. Your aftercare messages over the following year belong to the family and the person they lost, and should never mention reviews.
Who to ask
Ask the person who made the arrangements. They were there for all of it, the night call through the last signature, and their review can speak to every part.
Ask every family, and ask each one the same way. It's tempting to save the request for families who seemed pleased. Google's review rules don't allow that kind of picking, and they don't allow offering anything in return for a review either. An honest mix also reads as real. A page of 4.8 stars with a few thoughtful critical reviews earns more trust than a spotless 5.0.
If a service went wrong, call that family before you send any request for a review. The call is there to listen and to set things right, not to steer what they write.
What to say
Keep it short, in the director's own name, and about the family. No stars, no "it only takes a minute", no exclamation marks.
In person, something like: "It meant a lot to us to care for your dad. If you ever feel like writing a short review of us on Google, it helps other families find us. I'll text you the link, and there's no rush."
Then the text: "Hi Carol, it's Jordan from Hartwell Funeral Home. It was an honor to care for Walter. If you'd like to leave a review of how we did, here's the link. No need to reply. We're here whenever you need us."
Notice what that message leaves out. It doesn't ask for five stars or a great review. It doesn't say how much reviews help your business. It names the person who died and the person asking. That is what makes it read like a note from someone who was there.
Make the review easy to leave
Every step between the text and the review box costs you reviews. The profile Google keeps for your home gives you a direct link that opens its review box. Send that link, not a link to your listing, and never a line asking the family to search for you.
Send it by text rather than email. Most families read it on the phone already in their hand, and texts get opened. If a family prefers email, send the same words there.
On a MemorialBooked plan, this is part of reputation management: after each service, your home's number sends the family a short text, in your director's name, with the direct link. If the family writes back, the reply lands in your office's inbox, not ours.
How to reply to reviews
Reply to every review, the kind ones and the hard ones, within a few days. Families read the replies as closely as the reviews themselves.
For a kind review, thank the writer by first name, mention the person who died only if the reviewer did, and sign with the director's name. Two or three sentences is plenty. Never add details the family didn't share: no cause of death, no prices, nothing from the arrangement.
For a critical review, start by acknowledging what the writer felt. Keep the facts of the case out of a public reply, and don't rebut it line by line. Offer a direct conversation instead: "I'm sorry the visitation fell short of what you hoped for. Please call me at the home, any day this week." Then make sure that call happens. A calm reply to a hard review often does more for the next family reading it than ten glowing ones.
On our plan, we write and post these replies for you, in your home's voice.
Where reviews do their work
Reviews earn their keep in three places. In the map, they help decide whether your home appears at all; our funeral home SEO work keeps your Business Profile on Google current, so those reviews sit beside the right hours, photos and services.
On your own website, two or three recent reviews quoted near the phone number reassure the family who clicked through from the map. They work best on a funeral home website that loads quickly on a phone and puts that number where a thumb can reach it.
And beside your prices. A family weighing two homes with similar prices leans on reviews to decide. Posting your prices and building your reviews work as a pair; our post on putting your price list online covers the other half. When families can also browse your packages before they come in, as with arrangements and payments, they arrive at the arrangement conference already trusting you.
Start with the next family who comes in for the certificates. Ask in person, send the link that afternoon, and reply to whatever they write. Six months of that, and the family searching from three states away finds your name with fresh reviews beside it.
Hannah Olsen
Hannah Olsen writes the aftercare and review messages MemorialBooked sets up for funeral homes. Hannah reads the replies families send back, and writes here about staying close in the year after a service.
